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Am I a swan yet?
Jan. 2nd, 2007 04:06 pmDear Mum:
Ways to motivate me do not include 'You know, you should make a New Year's Resolution to keep up the weight loss and to be financially responsible'. Seriously. It is difficult to put aside a nest egg and pay off bills at a wage that, working full time, still puts you $8000 UNDER the poverty line. I have not used my credit card in months, nor incurred any fresh debt - does this seem irresponsible to you? You tell me I need to be an independant adult and be responsible for my own screw-ups; then you try to get me to borrow hundreds of dollars from you and move back home. I can be an adult or I can be dependant on you. I can't tell which one would make you happier. I'm choosing the former, because that's what makes _me_ happier (if somewhat stressed out).
As for the weight loss thing, I am not making a resolution about it. When I plan on doing something and then don't follow up, I feel guilty and ashamed, which drives me to hole up in my room and not move, while eating chocolate, which is not conducive to good physical health. You know this. I know this. The secret to weight loss for me, you see, is to not actually try.
This is why I didn't answer the phone for weeks last year. You always make me feel so small and as though I'm not trying. I damn well am trying. You say 'the reason I don't get higher wages is because I don't ask for them'. If I ask for a higher wage, I will not get the job. It is that simple. There are no jobs hiring right now that a trained monkey could not do (except for one, which I'd have to be in Placentia for). Given that, are they going to go with me, or with someone who will do the job just as well but for less salary?
I appreciate that you worry about me. I know it means you love me, and I am glad about that, honestly. It just surprises me that after nearly twenty-three years of knowing me, you still can't express that worry without making me feel like a failure. Just once, I would like to go a whole phone call without talking about my weight or my financial situation, and without crying afterwards. It'd be nice.
Love,
Em
Ways to motivate me do not include 'You know, you should make a New Year's Resolution to keep up the weight loss and to be financially responsible'. Seriously. It is difficult to put aside a nest egg and pay off bills at a wage that, working full time, still puts you $8000 UNDER the poverty line. I have not used my credit card in months, nor incurred any fresh debt - does this seem irresponsible to you? You tell me I need to be an independant adult and be responsible for my own screw-ups; then you try to get me to borrow hundreds of dollars from you and move back home. I can be an adult or I can be dependant on you. I can't tell which one would make you happier. I'm choosing the former, because that's what makes _me_ happier (if somewhat stressed out).
As for the weight loss thing, I am not making a resolution about it. When I plan on doing something and then don't follow up, I feel guilty and ashamed, which drives me to hole up in my room and not move, while eating chocolate, which is not conducive to good physical health. You know this. I know this. The secret to weight loss for me, you see, is to not actually try.
This is why I didn't answer the phone for weeks last year. You always make me feel so small and as though I'm not trying. I damn well am trying. You say 'the reason I don't get higher wages is because I don't ask for them'. If I ask for a higher wage, I will not get the job. It is that simple. There are no jobs hiring right now that a trained monkey could not do (except for one, which I'd have to be in Placentia for). Given that, are they going to go with me, or with someone who will do the job just as well but for less salary?
I appreciate that you worry about me. I know it means you love me, and I am glad about that, honestly. It just surprises me that after nearly twenty-three years of knowing me, you still can't express that worry without making me feel like a failure. Just once, I would like to go a whole phone call without talking about my weight or my financial situation, and without crying afterwards. It'd be nice.
Love,
Em
