framlingem | (no subject)

Entry tags:

poem,
poetry

(no subject)

"Elegy"

I remember all our lost tomorrows,
all the hot chocolate and coffee evenings
sitting in the same room in the dark.
I remember all the mornings of terrible
breath and hair in all directions.

I remember the way your cheek would have felt
beneath my hand, and the angle of my neck,
bent back to kiss you on tiptoe.
I remember the way you would have said my name,
and the surprise in your eyes at
the way I would have looked at you.

I remember that my parents would have liked you -
my father would have shown you his garage,
and you would have pretended to be interested
for my sake. And I would have done the same in
your mother's garden.

I remember the house we'll never buy, and
the arguments over the paint colors,
and I remember that I would have washed
while you dried.
And then I remember that it won't be me.
I remember all our lost tomorrows.

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Yes, I have more than a few of those in my background. Lost loves, regrets, missed chances, relationships that could have been but never were, all of the above.

In the old Japanese cartoon 8th Man, the hero's secretary is in love with him, not knowing that his mind has been transferred into a disguised robot body and he can never love her back. When she discovers this, the concept is so painful to her that she has the scientist of the show (who created the robot body for her near-dead boss) erase her memory because she can't live with that knowledge. To me, watching at the age of ten, this was a jaw-dropping, mind-boggling concept. How could someone be that hurt? So hurt she literally couldn't live with the knowledge of what he had become?

I couldn't understand it. It was utterly foreign to me. She begged them to let her go back to unrequited love and completely false hope -- that hurt her less.

So the scientist erased her memory and she went back to Not Knowing.

I couldn't understand it.

Now, I'm different. I know a lot more about life. I still wouldn't willingly submit to deliberate erasure of my memory, but I understand now about memories one doesn't want to keep, and I can empathize with her pain in a way I couldn't 42 years ago. I can see why someone wouldn't want to remember something.

I'd prefer to fix the broken pieces of my life...but I can't, nor can I shake the memories.

I can understand her choice now.

That, my dear, is both beautiful and horrible all at once. You did an utterly marvelous job of capturing the ache. *hugs you tight*

Angsty poetry, anyone? Hooray catharsis.

This is absolutely fantastic. I think I almost cried. Can you just publish a collection? Please. For me. And for yourself. And for everyone. :) Would you mind if I posted this in my LJ so some people I know can read it?

I'd prefer if you linked it :-)

(and you made me blush.)

Oh my... can you pass me a Kleenex, please??

It's the "what ifs" that are the toughest to deal with, isn't it?? I might not be coping with exactly what you're coping with right now, but I do have a lot of lost tomorrows that are swimming in my mind and making me sad these days, too, so maybe I don't know exactly how you feel, but I can relate in a way.

I wish I was as talented with my words as you are with yours, you really know how to express yourself in a few verses.

And you really know how to tug at a broken-hearted girl's heartstrings, too. :P

*wipes at the tears*

You know I love ya, and the next time we hang out, we'll have to indulge in some comfort food (mmm, and hot chocolate!!), I think we both need a bit of that right now. Comfort food and hot chocolate can work wonders for soothing an aching heart.

*love*

-Becka :)

Watcha doin' tomorrow? I'm working until 12:30, but after that I have the rest of the day free.

The plan for tomorrow would be sleeping in very late (after a 6-day, 57-hour work week, I think I deserve it), followed by much laundry, which I plan to put on the clothesline to dry in the sunshine, and between loads of laundry, some sitting in the sun and probably a walk around the pond to take some pictures if I'm not too tired.

I'm beat, it's been an exceptionally long week and I don't get nearly enough days off anymore, phew. I might even just sleep all day, the jury is still out on that one. :P It'll be better after this coming week - school will start, but at least I'll only be working one job part-time again, instead of one full-time and one part-time.

Mmm, but first, sleep. *yawn*

-Becka :)

That is indeed an excellent plan. :-) Another time, then.

Things will slow down after this coming week, when I'll be back to one part-time job and taking classes. :) Perhaps we can make a date sometime after, say, next Saturday?? Hmm, maybe next Sunday?? I'll keep an eye on my schedule and all of that, and we'll make some plans really soon!! :D

(As for sleeping today, I didn't sleep ALL day, but I did sleep for 10 hours, and it was really nice, ahh.)

*hugs*

-Becka :)

I finish work at 10:30 next Sunday, so that'd work well for me!

I dunno if I'm working next Sunday or not (I might be, I've just had two Sundays off in a row and that NEVER happens), but let's make a tentative plan for then, and if I end up having to work, well, we'll just have to shift our plans to another day.

YAY!! Gonna see my Em again soon!! :D

-Becka :)

Whoot whoot!

Alert! Alert! Emrgency plan shift! This Sunday has turned out to be a Bad Time. Got any plans for, say, Monday (public holiday!) or next Sunday?

Gah, and I'm totally off this Sunday, too!!

Alas, I've got plans with another friend on Monday (since I knew for sure that we'd both be off - paid holiday!!), and next Sunday is still an unknown value.

I will pencil you in for next Sunday, though. :) If I'm not working, we shall do things!! :)

-Becka :)

Yay, pencilled! :D

Also, I need your mailing address. For NEFARIOUS PURPOSES.

*pencils*

YAY!!

Also, nefarious purposes, you say?? Sounds intriguing. ;) Where shall I post said information?? You wanna screen a comment for me?? Don't want all of the world's weirdos sending me mail, after all, only the sanctioned ones. ;)

-Becka :)

Email me! username@livejournal.com works. :-D

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